We do not have to meet for you to quickly gather that I talk a lot and my husband doesn't. So if you were to happen upon a real argument between us, you would see that I talk a lot and he doesn't. The silent treatment. By far the worst punishment for me, ever! I would rather throw it all out there, release all my feelings and MOVE. ON.
So, why am I sharing this?
After almost 10 years of knowing this man (that I do truly admire) I have learned a few things.
I am grateful for the silent treatment. I am grateful that I can rant and rave and he will take time to take it all in. I am grateful, that he DOES NOT yell at me. This may stem from my youth, but there is something about a man who yells, at their wife, their children, their neighbor. I don't prefer it.
Once I was at my friend's house trying to decide what activity was next. I was around 13 years old and after suggesting things to do, I thought we would ask her mom. My best friend pulled me aside and said, "No. Let's leave my mom alone right now." I was totally thrown off. "Why?" "She is fighting with my dad!" She exclaimed with a "Duh!" tone. My attention was drawn immediately to her mother.
She wasn't mean to me or upset at all. She quietly did what mother's do: dishes, dinner. Her father walked into the bedroom. There were no slamming doors, raised voices, awkward moments for company. There wasn't harsh name-calling, belittling, or fierce words being used. There was SILENCE. I was in awe and I recorded the experience in my journal. I wanted that for my future. I put that attribute high on the list, right next to HOT, on my requirements for a husband.
I got it. My dreams came true. And though I have the tendency to follow all of the above mentioned negative behaviors when I want to fight, my husband combats it with silence. Some say he always wins. But I don't look at it that way, anymore. The silent treatment rescues me from my weaknesses. It pushes me to LET GO (I didn't want to mention
the song, but chances are...it is already playing in your head). And if the problem is big enough, we resolve it when I am calmed down. The End.
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